These guidelines, rules, and regulations should be deemed useless unless the context clearly states otherwise. The following list is a compilation of suggested actions you can execute to ruin your life. This is not a guarantee for complete destruction of your current social status, family affairs, and or friendships. Reader discretion is advised.
1. Live your life exactly how you want.
2. Disregard any advice or concern from family or friends.
3. Move far away from everyone you know.
4. Meet a mysterious stranger and let them into your home.
5. Chase after the stranger and enter a microcosm of your own making.
6. Revisit all the people you have wronged.
And remember: This book is not about you.
Seven-year-old David Glum watches as his grandfather is abducted by a legendary herd of elephants. Twenty years later, after failing to sell his novel to a New York publisher, David returns to his parents’ home to focus on growing a beard, a goal he feels sure he can accomplish. Once the beard reaches a respectable girth, uncontrollable things begin happening around him. His mother dies… maybe. His father might really be a man named Gary Wrench. David is sure of only one thing: his family is cursed. It could have something to do with an eternal flame his grandfather stole from a possibly imaginary group of people called the Nefarions. David and Wrench begin a surreal cross-country journey that might have something to do with saving the world. Along the way they pass through a number of absurd towns, meet some disagreeable people, and discover an America that is radically different from the one they thought they knew, a place where nothing can be accepted for what it seems to be. And all the while, the beard grows, gaining strength, leading them toward a distant island that most people think doesn’t exist…
If you are a reviewer and would be interested in receiving a copy, send me (Gregory Seymour) an email at atlatl press (at) yahoo dot com.